Lennie the Guinea

So there I am sitting on the sofa with my daughter's guinea pig sitting on my chest. I'm scratching her under the chin. She seems content. BTW her name is Lennie the Guinea after some character on TV. I notice just how fat she is and call her a "lardass." She jerks away and bites me. I retrain myself and she doesn't become a ballistic projectile although I did call her some other things much worse than lardass. It like the fracking fur ball understood what I said.